somethings still missing in my life and i know it. i dont reali know what i want but i know its not this.

i reali hoped i had failed all my subjects so that its gives me a reason to quit sch altogether since im so bloody tired of studyin.... but as fate would decide, life always gives me a way out. a tiny margin just to line me back on track haiz... and i thought i could use it as a bad sign ha....

im happy but i want more. and wads more to come i reali dunno but i know im gettin tired of the mundane routine life......

just now my b-i-l asked me a weird question and its so invasive to the deep thoughts in my electric brain.

him : have u ever felt pitiful for blah blah
me: no, why do u ask that?
him : nah just askin
me : fine

look this is wads actualli goin around in my brain

nobody will look down on u unless u urself broach the subject up.
nobody will say u are pathetic unless u urself feel that u are too.

u reap wad u sow.....
if u had expected to reap that kind of unsoothing answer from me,
then think again why u asked,
could it be that u urself know that u 2 have sowed wadever u would have expected me to look down upon?

but sadly the truth is for me to know and for u to find out and see for urself...
i will lend u no helpin hand by tellin u e truth
sad but true
that some people just dont listen
and guess wad
you are one ofem too

wendy*6

just a brief update

sat
went to the blood drive at thomson.. quite BorinG ha, basically we were doin nothin except playin free games and gettin free gifts together with camilla haha... luckily pearlyn stayed home..(like she wanted to haha)...

then i went to east coast meet him and his fren QQ. QQ brought his ex YY and his exs new boyfren JJ. chim to understand huh? nvm ha. aniwae QQ and YY were together for almost 4 yrs when he dumped her, for another lass.. and now i guess he sorta regretted doin that cos YY transformed to a babe haha.. maeybe its was also e feelin they had ba...

humans are just so bastard.. cherishin only after they lose somethin and they have gone thru e feelin of bein deprived of that feelin u once owned.

well YY was like all the way shootin darts with her words at QQ, for dumpin her? perhaps ha.. aniwae her present guy JJ is a veri nice guy. i can feel it cos im a women too haha, and i seriously feel JJ is much much much more trusting than QQ.

and guess wad? i rubbed salt into his wound and gave him a piece of advice " hell hath no fury like a woman scorned ha"

guys, always sayin woman are irritating creatures blah blah but they nv once realised that we are irrtating because we care.

haha

next

sat nite

came the question

# do u think u veri lucky? got a bf got car and drive u around?

* no why should i? this aint wad i wanted, do u know i would rather take bus with u? ok then u think im luckier or u are luckier to have me?

# i think u luckier wahaha

* ok lor if thats wad u think wahaha

is it too soon to know the answer? haha

and today sunday

his mum asked me more questions ha im happy yeah
then as usual went to hawker to meet usual cliques ha

steven is gettin frm bad to worse
to steven. " nobody can help u if u yourself dun even acknowledge e problem"

then # drove me back.
was walkin to the lift then felt e surge of longingness for him already
bloody hell i jus saw him like.. 5mins ago?
hate the departuring period
hate to part with him

reached home and was reminded of attachment tml haiz
thur nr retest
so many freakin stuff to come
totally abhore all these
can i just live in my own world?
not bound by humane responsibilities and stress
soon...... i know....

haha

wendy*6

workin is always so freakin tiring... today pizza hut had a stupid lame champs challenge duh... made me so busy but i was happy to work actualli...

supposed to work till 4 only but thought i'll take the chance of waitin till 5.30..... u should know why..... i mopped the floor and swept and waited for a supposed call but it nv came....

i assumed ( though assumption is the mother of all cock ups) that when i smsed *, * was already there... eventually i went home myself.... tears welled up in my eyes and i didnt know why... it was a long ride home.... call me stupid but to me it was more than a call....

am i too sensitive? am i wanting more than * can give? is it my fault that i feel that u only love yourself..... or... have i fallen too deeply into the bottomless pit? the one i always feared? the one which u once told me to embrace it courageously........ but......

unsure who was in the wrong but i didnt want to insinuate anything, i really tried to keep my hurt inside.... under my smiling facade i knew inside was a thousand whys ( which i didnt wana bother* with)

-------- when holding hands is juz a formality-------
---- when hugging is juz to fend off loneliness----
-- when kissing is just a sudden urge--
- when love becomes uncertain -
------- when leavin is just an escapement-------


am i loving u more than u love me? or am i just thinkin too much?....... hopefully .......its the latter....

you will nv understand, you dun have to understand,
it wll only drown our love even deeper, to know


again pangs of jealousy and sensitivity caught me off guard


wendy*6

juz tryin out haha... tnk ill need help on blogging stuff... quite a drag to start out...