wow so long nv blog haha..........
im so lazy to blog haha.....
but these few daes frm last thur to sun im with him
gosh ... reali love life being with him haha..

i know the age gap is still veri un acceptable to some outsiders
but they dun understand the feelin thats so different
and not to mention the similarity in thinkin that helped fill up the age gap

i duno how he felt when his fren asked if i was his sister or fren
but to me it didnt matter
and i took it as a joke
and yesterdae jessicas sis asked me if he was mt brother in law
again i laughed and said no he is my boyfren
i took it lightly and i reali hope he wun think much of it
i reali wana be with him always
i guess certain stuff reali making me change in character and thinkin already
i know its stressful for him cos ppl will think he cheatin a young gal
but we know its just shallow thinkin on their part rite?
i reali hope we wun get apart one dae
i sometimes feel e past haunts you
i feel veri veri sad and afraid but i guess u dont know
cos im afraid if i let u know
u will be sad too so i hide it

nvm ill just hope for e best but prepare for e worse haha
for now, im happy and i hope u are too...

that sat we went to see the movies
we ate bk
he told me to order so i make e decisions lor
he wana eat turkey bac and i wan chic whopper
then i sae i wana eat onion rings
then he sae dun order meal if i cant finish
i sae ok lor then we order kids meal and 2 burgers la
since kids meal got drink fries and cheesesticks ma
and i swear to god e kids meal de drink i reali tot its our adult small cup lor
cos e picture put quite big lehz
but guess wad it was smaller than e smallest adult de lor
cant u imagine e expression on his face?
imagain two person eating 2 burgers , fries, choc pie and cheesesticks,
but e drink so small hahaha
i think e gal at the counter oso wana kaugh but she am chio la haha..
silly silly me
so......
i became the butt of dear ah yuans joke......

and u noe e pink colour triangle queh called peng queh
that time i bought at his hse down stairs veri nice
so i sae go down buy again
but i duno wads it called so i sae mi queh
again he sae me lor....
hahaha
happi happi

ya la jessicA i know my emotions fluctuates hahaah....

although he always bully me.. i noe he veri nice de haha...
but i guess it still early to reali confirm anithin haaa....

wendy*6
maeb i should not probe further

sometimes thinkin a lot is also good...
i just told veron that sometimes i think a lot bout e future
because its to help me get prepared in losing something in future
haha
lame la..

im getting bored with my life...
sudddenly feel no kick...
and please ah veron...
when i sae i wana do somethin to change my life
it not like im goin to kill myself or wad haha..
im not suicidal by the way
just that i wana try something new
i wana change my job
change my studying attitude
change my looks( maeb)
etc etc

not changing cos of depression k

cos im so bored with all these routine stuff
and bored with this mundane life
somebody please give me ideas on wad can i do
excite me can?
i need excitement, kick in ma life
right now, right here

wendy*6
singapore is so darn boring

lorraine looked as she quickly tried to finish her chicken chop,
hey i'll go with sophia to check out the game she has been saying
i'll wait for u there ok sweetie? said jake
sure u two carry on.......... i'll meet u all there as usual... said lorraine
2 hrs later, lorraine was at the airport,
jake was still lookin around with sophia,
lorraine went in,
jake called,
jake smsed "where are you?"
u ready to go?
"yeah mum"

the number you have just dialled is currently unavailable..... please try again later......

wendy*6

under the smiling facade is a thousand lying whys,
and million cries

was told to do this haha...

7 random facts bout me
= im plump
= i like to fight
= my room is like a pig sty
= i love basketball
= i wana travel around the world
= i am currently loving some one a lot
= i always skip school

7 things that scare me
_ getting married
_ getting bonded to a hospital
_and GIVING BIRTH haha
seriously nothin else daunts me

7 random music
. at the beginning
. er zuo ju
. beautiful love
. where'd you go
. whereever you will go
. ren yu de yan lei
. yu dao

7 things i like most
> him him him hahaha
> dogs
> handphones
> limited edition barbies
> lingerie
> shoes
> seafood and lots of it

7 things i say most
^ .............. lor.......
^ huh?
^ wad the!
^ eh u noe hor yesterdae......
^ bloody monkey
^ got meh?
^ shit!

7 ppl to do this
+ jessica
+ yiping
+ chau yuan
+ woon chao
+ sharon
+ ooslee
+ junteck

wendy*6
wad u want will never be wad you need

today i saw jie jie at katong haha...
hmm im wondering y she is there
suspect she got bf hahaha
cos normali she will be home at that hour ha
kaypoh me hahaha
and dae b4 he saw my dad at parkway haha

i seriously duno y he likes me haha....
i was telling xuan
to us gals he is like a sexy guy
but to them guys im not haha
duh my inferiority complex ba

anyway ah cheng, shao wei and e other 2 guys are veri funi la
ah cheng looks like my god bro, junteck who is also xuan de ex
that dae i met jt go sch together
then yesterdae i met woonchao go home together ha
all my good frens onli ha
and they call me one of their brothers
wad e hell

i think i reali need to save money
how can i get money fast
there are so many things i want

lcd tv, laptop, etc etc
but then i think again
do i need them?

i feel veri tired just thinkin
if i save e money already
i mite not even buy those i want to buy
because i duno wad made the change in me
im startin to think
think a bit for the future
and the responsibilities
last time i would just spend everythin in my bank
but now even todae xuan call me to buy earrings
i would stop think and ponder over if i would reali use em
haiz

surprised eh

my close frens would be surprised too
maeb just maeb its because of love ha

and FYI i didnt buy any earrings laa

max is going back this sat.....
confirm......
think my whole family is sad
how i wish i can just settle with money
but i noe the family wun 1
its like erm...
fighting for e doggies custody? hahaha
anyway im sad too
haiz haiz haiz


wad to do

it aint mine to begin with

and next time if i noe im gonna lose em eventualli
i wun ever love it, cos
IM NEVER GOIN TO LET IT HURT ME AGAIN
duh dunnno wad i sayin too haha

wendy*6
i need a life, need some zest in my life

i miss yiping lor......

haiz
then sunday he sent me to sch..
kissed him before goin down
didnt notice syakinah and co were there , then she smile at me haha,
actualli quite paiseh haha...

first aid damn xiong la..
all those b4 had an easy tme then until me and verons turn
we were e 1st guinea pigs to have scenarios la
other ppl most 10 mins
we two 30 mins lor
and those behind like lyn cam jjon zibin and daniel
haha they oso kena jialat haha

then yuan came and fetch me
i was quite pissed la
cos he thinks that i went to sch have fun
he nv realise i was tired too and wad we went thru at training
anyway i was moody and told him not to talk to me
after that i sorta regreted bein so harsh but luckily he oso nv take to heart ha

then went to bball court
i have thought bout it veri long le
yesterdae i told him to call me when he is back
cos i wana tall him somethin

i wanted to tell him so much but i decided to refrain
halfway thru playin bball he called

me: hello

him: yeah so wad u wanted to tell me?

me: oh i just wanted to ask u if u are kumin tml

him: thats all? no wad u wana tell me somethin important.
i know its not this otherwise u would not purposely tell me u got smethin to sae

me: i duno how to sae

him: look when i ask it means i care,
when one dae i dun probe anymore thats when i reli dun care already
and its gonna be bad.

skip skip...

me: i think we both belong in 2 different worlds,
we are somewhat together because of some ppl and
i feel i cant help u much
im so blur i never seem to do things right
and sometimes when u want things done
i dont do it
even if u ask me to do any simple stuff i dun do it for you
i ap ( attitude) you
maeb u need someone who can do things for you
listen to you and help you
not like me rebuke you and talk back
not so sia lan

him: looki reemphasize to you again,
i choose you and you are e one i like
wad i want is a life, someone to share comments and give me ideas just like you
i like you because you have your own thinkin
wad u dont want or dun like to do u tell me and not just blindly do because im your bf

............ skip skip........

almost said to have a break but didnt...
i reali almost ok...
i told him maeb we not ... for each other.....
couldnt sae e word haha

......... skip skip......

me: so tml are you comin over?

him: tml i not stayin over

me: then are you comin over?

him: yeah

me: then just sae u comin la... i asked you if u comin over rite...
if i wanted to ask if u stayin over i would have asked are you stayin over rite?

him: haha....

me: ok bye bye i go play bball le.....

( haha my ap started almost immediately haha)

i cant believe i've been keepin so much to myself and he cant believe it too
i used to be able to sae how i feel
quite impulsive last time
maeb now i tend to stop and think
maeb cos im afraid ill lose things again hmmm

i look ok but inside im ruining
still water runs deep remember?

ok theres lots more but i dun wana sae liao haha
maeb he is right

btw i told jh i dun like him liao
and he shouldnt get the wrong idea
i ask him out to eat is cos i just wana catch up with an old fren
and ppl who are close to me all know i prefer talkin outside
over a drink not sms
so yeah
dun get me wrong especially when u are e 1 to sms me
haha

suddenly have cravings for pineapple and i duno y..
my butt pain is back haiz
and my left thigh keeps gettin numb.
maeb i;ve got mild stroke
and i keep feelin nauseous
and no appetite like last time le...
ppl... dun think e wrond side ah

haha

wendy*6
you think , i thought , who confirm?

im so darn tired....

friday i skipped last lecture then frm 5 sleep until 11 then wake up.....
then after eating i slept back.....
e day b4 everyone was rushin for e stuupid ami aml essay laa..until i slept at 430 am and woke up late next day...

worst was sat oso cant res..
got first aid course thingy...
oh and the instructor was a lady in red shorts and pants damn high to her waist
then i was tellin lyn

me: eh u can see her panty line?
lyn n veron: where got?
haha call me horny or wad but i thought it was so obvious and she should wear g string lor

after the 1st aid course i went to wh hse haha
talkin with his sis and jh was so damn funi la
think im not a gal haa...
i went into wh room and hit him with bolster haha
horrible eh... just go inside i guys room ha..

then went bball
he stayed over haha....

b4 slpin it was damn funni laa...
dunno y everytime b4 we slp i will rem things then start to talk to him...

me: eh u noe hor just now steven buy 200 plus de specs for sharon lor
him: orh ok, lets slp liao
me: then hor i told her i cant believe he so generous lor
him: snoring ( bluff de)
me: then i also cant believe she took lor
him: do u noe im actualliy not listenin?
me: ya i noe....
after few secs....
me: then hor i ask her she not scared mehz
him: tieu i not listening and u still talk hahaha... ok ok slp liao
me: wait wait last one, then hor i sae later she owe him so much.... ok slp liao nitez
{ :) finalli.......can slp liao} he must be thinkin haha

wendy*6

ok

here it goes

that night i couldnt sleep
i guess i was too excited
because my family reali accepted haha

its funny when i even think bout it
you see
last time i thought ill put my bed near my window so that jh can come slp with me
etc etc la those weird stuff i think of that u all wun ever imagine
and when i lost jh forever ( i think only la)
i never though bout it again
it was so absurd and so damn unlikely
and when i forgot bout it
i had someone to hug to slp in my room haha...

i still feeel marriage doesnt last
and even if it does , misery is entwined to it too
for many or most
their love vanishes as time passes
so i said i dun wana get married
dun wana get bogged down
because im afraid of committment too
and afraid of having an imperfect marriage
maeb because i know that i would want a beautiful marriage
but because i cant get wad i want so i would rather not try at all

but i still am open to the possibility that some one would change my life, my decisions now and my perception eventually and mould me into a person i would have never thought i will be :)

just today he told me he decided not to get married after all
he said he felt he was goin to die early or die soon
and he doesnt want his wives and kids to suffer after he dies
so he rather dun get married nor have kids
i dunno
i was like bullshit
if u tell me u dun wana get married cos u dun wana get tied down, i understand
cos u no money, i understand
cos u cant find a suitable partner , i understand
but cos u feel u will die? wad e fuck!
reali man... WAD THE FARK!!!!

him: i think i wun get married

me: and why is that so?

him: i feel im goin to die and i dun want my wife and kids to suffer after i die so i rather not

me: please la if u know when u going to die then u shouldnt be here driving liao'

him: dunno , juz got a feelin

me: anyway if e person reali loves you, she wun mind bringing up the hcild after you are gone, no matter how difficult it is. and if u are going to die then you should have died before u got to know me and before we were together. but since now u know me and we are together, you cant die.

him: and why i know you le i cant die lehz?

me: because i say u cant die so u wun die

him: why la?

me: cos i say cannot la

him: but why la?

me: cos i say cannot means cannot la

him: why dun u jus say e magic ......

me: GOODBYE (smirkin)

i slammed the door shut before he could finish e sentence and smiled thru e window


him: worrrrdddddds?...............( i saw him mouthin)

hahaha

wendy*6

i love you chau yuan , but dun let others cloud ur judgement.
when one day i confront you with the question, i hope you are not blind.
i hope one day you wun be oblivious to what ive done nor the sadness im goin thru now.
you will understand, love and know how i reali feel deep inside that even i never knew.
and see those ppl thru my eyes from my perception, then,
u will know what im thinking is wad u never realised, hopefully you will know before i decide to go,
to be part of your past....

people,

im so happy
really...
ha...
too happy to blog all the details
but all i can say is..

yesterdae nite was nothin much..
short and simple..
but totally wonderful...

blog bout it when im free haha...

wendy*6

off to werk

sch
waaaa.... today was such a damn short day la...
angeline let us offf at around 12..
she was nice to us today...
sort of hmmm... know how to talk now?
maeb after the attachment she learnt to talk in nicer tones la..
rather than too commanding...
think she scared "PPL" will reali hate her ba..
poor lecturer...
june mak oso poor thing...
me beishan , aishah ,serene and all were talkin in e lift loudly when she came in
then all of us quiet sial
think she felt it too...
i wanted to talk to break e silence ..
but we reached e floor liao
haiz another sad case la..
actualli both veri nice de la...

then do project... quite busy when he called haha....
then i pon lecture AGAIN haha
typical of me la hahaha...
tml is my self proclaimed no sch day by the way haha...
always pon de haiz....
anyway im so used le haha....

out
then went parkway with xuan.. cool sial...
bought clothes again...
but my main objective was to search for a good tv...
but in e end i decided to save for a flat screen tv hahaha...
i mean no point to get a lousy cheapo tv rite..
so wana get might as well get good lasting stylo one ma...
tio bo...

home
then my lao uncle come liao...
suan me again haiz...
we train little doggy MAX...
he noes to react to his name lo haha....
and sit stay and down haha...
smart boi...

then lao uncle sae he asked "her" to borrow gikgik
bt she sae must ask her current bf...
bullshit we all sae...
e dog is oni btw lao uncle and "her"...
wad has it gotta do with "her" cur bf sial haha...

anyway ZHONG DIAN(important point) is
lao uncle told me he told "HER" ..
' aiya i wana bring gikgik out not u, so u needn't be worried'
let me, wendy explain....
it means he wants to bring e dog not "HER" so y must ask her bf hahaha...

anyway i oso duno myself laaa.....
lao uncle good to "HER" i worried
bad to "HER" i oso worried haha...
but get this straight
i have got nothin against her la
juz a topic to talk bout....

but i hope for lao uncle to sae that he loves mehaha
i hope he has reali gotten over "HER"
haha
because ya i love him ( u noe hu) haha.....
and i want him to love me as "ME WENDY!!!!"
smart, plump, short, cute, blur, lazy me
haha
and not be reminded of e past
i just hope he wans to be with me e way i wana be with him....

hmmm i wonder when will he(lao uncle) noe i have personal blog haha....
i dun wana tell him unless he find out himself haaa....
not that i wana bottle up my feelins
but duno y its so difficult to tell him
so i write in blog ha

btw i still contact jiahong,
but its reali platonic....

pieces of attachment
then i got reminded of e jaundiced lookin uncle who died...
haiz
sad....
that pt was cranky to everyone...
but duno y he actualli talked to me and told me bout his family...
maeb i was e last he ever reali had a decent conversation with...
luckily when he died i wasnt around....
i wun break down but ill be sad la....

pieces of my tots

well ...
humans are born , but die eventually....
wad we should do before dying ,
is to leave everlasting nice memories to e people we love...
so that when you die, they will cry...
then u noe that the tears are streams of happiness u left behind..
cried because they yearn for your company once more....
but at the same time they are ready to let u go...
rest in a place where you will stay forever...
in their heart.... :)

i have decided....
i shall let jiahong and joyce
be in both ( fatty bom bom and lao uncle) de heart
residing in e side called the past ok
whereas faTty BoM Bom and Lao UnCle
will now have our own nest
in our heart still
but its called the " PREsenT" :)

haha long blog today sial kkz....
nitez
goin back to orh orh with maX

wendy*6
* pssT ,
* tell me u wana be with me too haha.....
* tell me u love me..... :)

haiZ

im still sick...
sick in e heart , sick physically blah blah...
im veri bothered now that my parents know bout it...

maeb cos i live in my own bubble and
maeb up till now,
im still not too prepared to let anyone in...how to say?

i should be happy rite?

but i guess its too fast too furious aha...

i never worried bout committment or responsibility...
because, u can say, my parents tookcare of everything for me haha....

and i never reali thought of wad job i wana have haha...

but because of some family matters, my dad is quite concerned about who i'll be with
even though he is veri qin cai...
and i think for now its like my life is too totally into him which i am terribly afraid...
it wasnt that easy for me to get over jh and wc..
accepting single life without them...

so i guess im just afraid things dun go welll but i cant let go..
so im tryin my best not too get too deep into it..

because i realised wad i want is wad nobody can promise me.....

i guess my parents got my meaning wrong..
im showin him to convenience stuff...
its not like we are gettin married right? duh....

and till now...

my decision stands...

my own bubble remains...

wendy*6

peOple this is e worse day eVeR

first i woke uo late at around 6.30 only when yiping called me
then i waited 15 mins for a cab
and i was late for 5 mins

rubbing salt into my wound
i forgot to bring my logbook, for heavens sake
and i cant have my marks until mondae
then my pen ocnked out on me when taking parameters ( nt that it was that impt la)

then i had a stomachache and diarrhea
and e worse part was i only took breakfast cum lunch at 2pm!!
adding to e pain i was goin thru

i packed everything for camp already
but still we finished e lunch late
so by e time i reached home it was 5 and i had to meet at kembangan
i tot slpin would make my stomach better
but as heaven would decide
i woke up feelin worse
stomach more pain
still having diarrhea
and my stomach is churnin in circles
and i have to cancel goin to e camp haiz

and y e hell am i blogging now when im in pain
and shit is gonna explode
cos this pain is preventing me frm slpin
and its freakin me out

hopefully i wun vomit tonight.....


wad a darn day bleahXXXXX

wendy*6

today we were only supposed to change this uncle cos he pang sai...
guess he had a stroke so he had reali damn bad contractions.
we were changing halfway when we realised his poo went into a dressin that came off,
so off we go, changed the dressing of the horrible bed sore.
we ( nadia me zhang yang) thought we could finally have a breather
when we realised he had another open wound at his feet......
and wads worse was after putting dressin we saw another wound dressing droppin at his back...
and it had a goddamn hole sial......

all in all it took us half hour to 40 mins laaaa
haha

after attachment went to meet em...
we play volleyball in a bball court and we were like clowns in a circus haha....

maeb there was nothin wrong
but i duno y i just felt me and him
were bit weird nowadays...
like we are so hmmmm
duno how to sae la....

was he sensitive when he said yaaa melvin is e most handsome to u laaa??? hhaha..

but i hope love still lingers around somehow throughout haha....

my wife tells me that
if i ever decide to leave,
she's coming with me.

jon bon jovi

would you too?
I WOULD :)

and i just know it

over the weekend hahaha... nothin much la....
was happi meeting hao and sarah for double date? haha

today sunday 2 june 2006

woke up went to fetch jx and went to sentosa...
frm the moment he picked him i could feel the gradual distance between us...
i always felt that whenever ITs around...
but i noe this is not ITs fault or whoevers fault...
IT also didnt choose to be a memorandum....
IT made me sad an neglected but i didnt vent my any frustration on It...
i loved IT , and him still
it was juz me....
why cant i get some one as a whole?
why do i always only have part of him him and him.
be it the missing part due to the past , the missing part lost to e future or even e missing part due to the present...

sometimes i wonder when u walk in front , have u ever thought im behind you?
have u ever wanted to wait for me?
till now i still dun understand y you blow hot and cold?

and i know sometimes whenever you stare i just know at that moment, your heart and mind disattached frm mine...
went off to a faraway place called "the past",
and this makes me want to escape once again...
escape frm the bottomless pit..

maeb i love u more than u love me i guess.....
maeb i aint good enough...


powderful womens sixth sense ha....


tml start attachment again....
so fast time flies another weekend is gone...
case study not done....
drug medication not done ha...
im reali disorientated...
juz recovering frm flu...
head in twirls ha...

hope i break down soon...
so that i can be lost into another world where i dun have to deal with mortal burdens...

wendy*6