for a start,
is a joke
yesterday i walked damn fast
then ping in order to chase after me
fell
slipped
and landed kneeling in front of me
when i turned back wahahaha
then todae i actually pressed the bell before my stop
hahaha so paiseh la
i act dunno hahaha
obviously the bus driver saw i presss de lo
waitin for e bus that time
i saw a stray dog seeking shelter from the rain
he just came inside e bus shelter
then this idiot man scolded the dog
but the dog did nothin wrong ,right?!!
i felt so pitiful for the dog
i almost went and scold that stupid farKin creep
but lookin at the dog sitting so innocently i guess he doesnt mind
he is still happy, so i just curse that stupid guy,
no wonder he bald, cos he so inhumane

yesterday
a 16 yr old girl was admitted
she took 40 panadols due to bgr
her bf broke up with her
then todae
another 16 yr old gal just died
she finally succumbed to cancer

being in this line
i guess we will see wad others wil never see
one is trying so hard to live
trying chemotherapy
trying trad chi medicine
trying even to breathe independently without the machine
but the other?
playing a fool with her life
haiz

day before yeaterday i accidentally deleted all of yuans sms
it was all those before and after we were together
i was reali veri sad
until yuan reminded me of the shows saying
''to have but not to hold'''
i guess its reali true
you can never build your present and future
without first learning how to lose
shu xian and yiping said i should write on a note book at least i will rem
but after deep pondering
i realised if i can acc delete e sms in e phone
then i might lose the note book too
if i save it in the computer
it might kena virus and get erased too
if i record it in a cassette
it will get fungus too
so????
the best way is to keep it in my heart, my brain,
because i know it is the place where i will never forget those memos ha
maeb before i can venture further with yuan
i have to let go of his past too

while losing the sms
i gained trust in him
decided not to mind so much bout his past
while losing the sms
i too ,
in turn ,
lost the remaining bits and pieces of jiahong

i gotta work more already
cos my income is coming short
yuan also workin hard

im veri afraid that when we both work hard
we will have less time for each other
im afraid we will get used to seeing each other
although i said wad yiping said is wrong
that ppl slowly forget ppl when they lose contact
because i would rem regardless how much i saw or hear frm them
but i am also afraid of being apart

come to think of it
a few yrs back
i was so used to having jh by my side
meetin up often
chattin ever so regular
he build up all my dreams
i knew wad i wanted whenever with him
those lovey dovey stuff i would always yearn for

but when he suddenly left
i didnt forget him
i thought he was only giving me a chance to grow independent
but i grew too independent
i was used to being single
i rejected all chances of gettin attached
slowly no doubt i didnt forget him
but i forgot wad i wanted,
wad i wished for
those lovey dovey stuff
and it was in my memory no more.

its so scary
distance and separated time do not make you forget the person
but it changes and distance you
distant both parties
that you start forgettin slowly
forgettin wad you wanted to do with him in the inital part isnt it true ping???
its doenst make you forget
it just changes you, your relationship
isnt it more scary this way?

maeb once bitten twice shy
thats why im so scared

wendy*6
in losing confidence in you, i realised i was actualli having none with myself

i was sick again...
lost my voice
just before christmas haiz
didnt have much la
but twister was nice

still gotta complete my case study sianz
feel like still holiday mood lor
machiam it didnt go away at all
although attachment a week liao ha

yuan goin reservive a week lor
so sad
think i gonna miss him a lot ha

wendy*6
cant live without ya

was eating plain sweet potato porridge just now
with a little pickled pickles ( ok this is lame)
and egg, tau pok and peanuts
then i realised wow
i haven eaten this simple food for almost a few months back
sort of enjoyed it
and it tasted simple but nice and warm
i guess i have been too lucky
constantly eating good food at home
chicken, beef, spaghetti, tonic soup
and even if there wasn't food at home
i always had the money to eat outside
wad ever i wanted
so
im realli grateful for all that

today was the first day of attachment
and i tell you
time was passing SSssooooo sloooooow
almost fainted out of boredom and hunger
almost banged my head for nothin to do
in the end i decided to spend a long time in the toilet
to shit and destress haha
kids were cryin and i was forced to shower this naughty fellow
bo pian lor his mum wan me to shower him ma
he bout 7 la
can take his own underwear and clothes to e toilet rite
BUT HE DUN WAN
he insisted i take for him
then i say y must i?
he sae I DUN CARE I WAN U TO TAKE
then i sae
OK LOR SAY PLEASSEE TO ME FIRST AND SAY PLEASSE JIE JIE
so he lan lan bo pian say that wahahaha
i think i e most jian nurse haha
nvm in e toilet i couldnt find soap
then he wanted soap
i lazy to take so i say er soap finish liao wahaha
i just sprayed him with water
aiya he goin home liao bathe so clean for wad hahaha
he so cheeky lor
bluff me into helpin him skarly put powder on my uniform
luckily both white
i wonder if i can survive having those noisy and cheeky kids
sorry la but i dun like kids :)
so final verdict?
I"M NOT GONNA HAVE KIDS TOO NOT EVEN 1!!!
good luck to all my frens ha
( they all wana have kids ma, cant believe it, ALL, im e oni 1 dun wan hahaha)

goin home was bad to the core
it rained heavily and me and ping were stuck
and to top it off
in front of us got 3 couples frm our sch
their boyfrens all come and pick em la
then we saw another one
thast e good thing bout boy frens who are teenagers
they have all e time to do stuff for you and be ur
- ah mat
- umbrella boy
- lunch boy
- lover boy
and best of all....
- ATM MACHINES HAHAHAHHA
they blur blur can cheat
althou i sae so bad hor
but im not so bad ok
no chance for me to be so bad with my lao uncle la anyway
he eat too much salt more than i eat rice
so all my tricks cant get past him
sad sial...

anyway i got drenched to mah bones when i got home haha
moral of e story?
always bring umbrella esp during rainy seasons
being lucky to avoid e rain in e afternoon doesnt mean night wun kena ha
so... better be safe than sorry yeah....

woohooo.... waiting to enjoy after this week- christmas
and after attachment....- go out with jess hehe....

wendy*6
i miss huggin you and seeing you to slp

haha
i guess i should have gone to mos todae night
im young why should i restrict myself
duh
haha
should be doing wad a gal my age is doin
rather than slackin at home and doin nothin
frens who are interested to go pls contact me ok
an quite free after christmas that week haha

wendy*6
its tiring to always be e initiator
unattractive

i guess thru hurdles then will things get stronger

its been high and low
but come to think of it
its silly to want to lose something that u know u dun wana lose afterall
how to sae?
you cant live without

these few daes been workin
its so fun at e cafe haha
everyday our boss is like laughin at somethin and makin funni expressions

im better now
happy that he finally understands why i stick to certain principles
and doings that i feel must not be abolished
and stickin to do it

more to get thru i must sae

next week attachment le sianz
holidays like no holidaes sial so busy

yuan goin reservice
im so sad
i just look ok on the surface thats all but im reali sad
maeb its just that i dun like to cry when sending ppl off
when my family went to aus i didnt cry
cos i feel if i cry they will be sad too
and ppl go overseas for a better life or a holidae arent they
so i would rather b a cold blooded person
than someone who makes em sad and leave their hearts with me
when they should not be thinkin of anything but enjoy.....

yuans humongous pimpleto...... hahaha... im e maker :)
i squeezed it out
and i luRVvvE seeing yuan wince in pain wahahaha

wendy*6
whenever i cry
stop me
whenever i run
go after me
and
whenever i fall
catch me

things dun stay even if they do not change
some ppl like to give
some like to take
who knows how much you can give
neither do u know how much u reali can take?

sustaining aint easy
decisions aint simple

sometimes leaving is not escapement
leaving is not because u dont anymore
but sometimes excuses are made up

i no longer feel im important to a certain someone
i no longer know wad to expect
tired, afraid, u may say
irritating when i ask
bossy when i plan
sensitive when i frown

you didnt console me before i did
not that it was wrong
but it showed who gave more
am i right?

a simple goodbye take care kiss
cant u do it?

will it kill to give that 2 seconds
even if u are in a rush

wad i think is
im not important anymore
e feelin u gave
is im not worthy enough for the trouble

why ask me wads e problem
when everytime you feel e problem lies with me

wendy*6
guess wad
i had such a difficult time findin replacements for todays work
and cancellin all outings
but im alone at home
maeb tearin
when i should be with someone
who is not with me now


now i know why mag did that
because she felt lost

women are company freaks

finding solace in a vacant arm

friday was fun lor
although me lyn cam and veron initally wanted to go k lunch de
but we didnt know marina k business so good
so when it was our turn its fully booked ha
so we went pariss international instead
eat quite a lot but e cakes were best ha
e marshmallow dips with choc mmm
colourful jelly woahahaha

look its ugly me haha with chocs
wanted to do e LOOK NO TEETH effect but failed ha



immediately after we left e restaurant
i spent money again
i bought a dress but nice lahaha so no regrets






yesterdae i finally opened a uob account and a savings account that i must pay monthly
dunno why i suddenly even thought of saving for my future
and even did it!!!!
but well i guess ppl change when they grow haha
maeb i cant shop much liao haha
ppl imagine
wendy in e past
spendthrift
never had savings
never think of e future
now becomin,
saving money
think of future
hahaha
gee wads with this haha

oHHh
jiahong smsed me that he liked me still
well quite a lot of traps and loopholes in his statement but welll
i told him i would rather love someone who loved me
rather than someone who only loved himself
and he replied dont lie to yourself. i actually really like you
who is he kiddin?
i think e one who has been lying to yourself is him
i only see him as a fren
but he?
i guess all those years he had actually liked me already
but he was only tryin to delude himself
he had liked me all along but only admitted it now
whose e one who told me he would never ever like me
whose e one who said he is goin to cut all contacts with me?
so tell me whose e one kiddin himself all along?
told him i wanted to slp
wanted to mention that i wana hug yuan to slp le but decided not to
ok go to sleep jiahong said when he realised i would wana talk bout this topic no more

enough of that

weekend was a lazy less than a whole day rest
sat i worked haiz and sundae too sianz
yuan went to my hse on sundae to wait for me finish werk ha

sat we had dinner with my family
saw this on e way off
can see anot?
its bat mans car hahaha


was going home frm yuans hse
when i saw this cute little shihtzu puppy at my hse down stairs
the urge was so impulsive
so i went up to this lady,talked to her
and touched the puppy and it was only a mth old ha
and its only slightly bigger then her palm and she can carry by a hand haha cute sial




OHHHHHHhhhhh
forgot to mention
sat nite i raped yuan hahaha
just couldnt resist
see e picture?! now u know why hahaha

hahaha no la this is just my good camera trick hahaha
machiam he never wear anythin rite hahaha
better put e picture smaller later he kpkb
and just in case u all sian him hahaha

wendy*6
i love EuuUUU
sorry he is taken
u ball less man hahaha

tears welled up
reside not in the eyes
but the heart instead
it says
the man who is worth ur tears will never make u cry
but what happens when u dont even know who "?

wendy*6
the past, the present, but not the future

juz met jiahong
althoug we didnt meet for a very long time already
i didnt feel he was a stranger, instead the familiarity was still there
felt funny though
maeb cos e last time i met him was before i got a new life
dunno how to explain wad has changed
but its was funnny meeting him
i didnt wanna meet him in e end de cos only a while ma
then he tot i didnt believe he rode to my hse
then call me go down and see
lame irte ha
anyway it was a nice chat la
an update on each others life
its beenalmost 6 yrs
wow!!!!!!
meeting him finally put me at ease
i always feel that comfortable to chat with him
and i know he is too
but i realised

for now i duno why i somehow dun look forward nor excited to meet him anymore
its not like when i usually am eager to meet yuan
that kinda feelin
i had it for him last time
i wanted to hug him last time but nah
now even when i said goodbye, i left without a feelin of wanting to hold him on
but rather e person i wanted to hug was yuan
and e person i cant bear to leave was always yuan
maeb cos for now im afraid that yuan will be gone so i hug him alot alot

but well our meeting for dinner or supper is still on haha

was damn grouchy in the afternoon
have been in low moods these days
maeb thats why i spend almost 300 on shoppin
felt bad for spending so much
but it made me happy too
having so many new clothes etc
i guess i have been too free
thats why i use my shoppin spree to replace wad i cant have ha
haiz my hard working pay is gone
nvm money will be earned


must never ever spend so much again

ppl around me pls tell me not to spend money
dun call me out often
dun call me go eat expensive foods
esp yiping
damn horrible ah e both of us
thats it
mondae we open my account and go home le
dun shop ok quack....

haha

wendy*6