sometimes i think im actually quite lonely

i cant help feeling very neglected
aside from his hectic job yuan is either playin com games or bball

i think after getting married
we have lost the romance and everything
other than goin on movies , he doesnt shop with me
sat n suns its staying home , i look after baby and more of games for him with the occasional browses at baby n me

sometimes i wished i were not married
then ill have the freedom to choose

after all these stuff about my wound healing i was so traumatized
yuan didnt understand wad i went through
i expected him to ask more n give more concerm after the minor surgery
but he only asked how it was and end of story

the surgery was horrible
even much more painful than giving birth itself

i felt like i was in depression
i didnt even look after baby much
so much so that i felt so guilty
even my m mum told my baby that i didnt want to carry him
i felt i had also in turn neglected my baby
luckily my mum was around to help otherwise i would have been totally distraught

i was really down
then jiahong came back to my life
at least he asked about me
and i confided in him
after meeting him on sunday i felt much better
i had lesser depressive thoughts and was able to get my mind off my wound
now it has healed n i got back to caring for baby

truth be told
i cant help reminiscing how nice jh became
sometimes when yuan neglects me i sometimes wished i were as carefree as before and everytime jh asked me out i was able to go
jiahong would always be a special friend of mine
but i guess ill never understand what is on his mind exactly

marriage may have really taken a toll on us
i hope yuan would reali be more passionate
maybe i may have asked for too much
or maybe i would be better being alone to find the real me
regardless i will take good care of baby and give him a comfortable life as much as i can


wendy*6
sometimes its hard to buy back lost time

Recently i had my fren here who at the same time loves 2 guys
one gives her security and opens her gentle side where as the other opens the wild side of her

i wanted so much to help her make a choice though i know i should not
i first asked her to choose the one who gave her security
i told her how stupid it was to give up her stability and good guy for the other
but slowly i began to see why
then i understood that if i were in her shoes i would not be able to decide too

as much as the other guy did not give her security
he gave her the courage to be what she has always wanted to do
for a while she did all those she was forced not to do before

but in the end things went wrong n she decided to be with the guy who gave her stability and opened her feminine side

i do not know what we, or rather i , can derive from this
but i only understood that love need not be logical nor rational
sometimes this guy can be bad but u still like him
and to be stuck in between 2 types of guys that u both like
its worse
most gurls want both stability and wild type of romance
but sadly most only have a choice of one

either the guy is stable financially and patient but waste no time in doing romantic or passionate stuff
or the guy is passionate and romantic but lacks the stability and patience to give a proper relationship

sadly sometimes love is almost everytime affected by the realistic truth in order to make the decision

what will u do if u are genuinely caught between 2 nice guys??
and u don't want to 2 time but still u did n do not know why u did!!!

the perfect guy= patient , ambitious, romantic, wild = gentle , dominant n yet affectionate.....
and so many more,
come to think of it its always better to have a little of everything haha...
but all these ==== impossible!!!!

wendy*6
is it too late or has it just begun??

im depressed
my wound is not healing

everytime i see yuan i get so sad
just wondering when i can get so close to him again
go back to having that special intimacy between us....

i just hope i get help soon and get well..

pray pray pray praying
wendy*6