Feeling Sick

I have been feelng sick I thought it was the diarrhea and the heat but no it wasnt it wasnt all the hurt either I dont know whats gotten into me but now I know why i feel sick Because i uncontrollably took your hand to hit myself and that image of me hitting you with the bolster just sickened me nothing can explain my feelings now disgust with myself confusion the accumulation of hurt over and over again overwhelmed me I no longer know who am i where will we head off from here but probably i shouldnt have been in your life to make you suffer I dont know what I should or even if our marriage can be repaired maybe I should just let you go Wendy*6 Is it better to leave when theres still love within?

How to move on from here?
How to find faith?
how to trust?

Here i will
Let go of whats less important
Because i know who is most important

I stopped contacting her
Not because i have to
But because i choose to

But again i am heartbroken
Even if it was a platonic friendship
I am hurt
Hurt by being lied to again
Again and again

Just when i am trying to trust
i had to find out

nevermind
let it go
move on from here

change to a new environment
new diary
sometimes its better to keep it to myself

wendy*6
the north and south pole falls in love
being good is not enough
silence is the best policy

Fantasies oh.my

Lately i have been fantasizing
Of us playfully wrestling
Then i get caught
Forced down
Ripped off whatever is on me
Pinned and kisses pressed on me
Sloppily over my sensitive spots
and i said to stop
but you wouldnt
turned me over
Shut my mouth with you know what
when i am so tired
you start it all over again
on top of me
Doing that thang you do haha
Sounds like a rape scene
Haha
What a fetish i have
oh my gosh


wendy*6
Still fantasizing haha

Knowing love itself

I dont know how i fell for him
The man i loved so much
So much that
I felt so much hurt when he hurt me
But when i saw him hurt
The pain in my heart was just as excruciating
I never meant to hurt him
But i just couldnt accept that
The love i expected to be so perfect
The marriage i expected to be full of passion
The man i expected to only love me
Was actually
Wounded
A false facade
Passionless
Loved someone else
I dont know how to handle.
I dont know how to love again
Can you enlighten me?
To trust again, love and be loved again...


Wendy*6
Why is love so difficult to comprehend?

my kind of women

I am the kind of women

Who loves to be hugged
Loves to be kissed
Love to snuggle to sleep
Love to touch and feel your warmth
Love to be seen and adored

So when the hugs and kisses diminish
Sleeping in our own spaces they way you like
And i change myself independent so that i am not attention seeking

What kind of women would i be?
Do i learn to not like what i used to like or am i just not glowing the way i should be lit?

Wendy*6
Spiritual emotional physical
Does physical distance equate to distance spiritually and emotionally as well?